rustling brown leaves on green grass.
Voices of Spanish bridesmaids
coo like mourning doves
mingle on winter breezes
with the caw of crows.
Balls bounce in the distance
while tiny flies rest by my words.
Thread like legs trace circles on yellow.
Wings turned prism in sunshine
expand between blue inked musings
sparkle like frost glazed windows.
Sun pierced wings suddenly flutter
fly off like thoughts
that barely touch the page.
©2007 Joanne Elliott
Lovely. You make the mundane world seem somehow romantic and worthy of poetry.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Can't wait to read more of your lovely poetry.
ReplyDeleteA very romantic feel, nicely done
ReplyDeletewhat a gentle pen you use to capture the scene..all the natural elements i like then bringing it back to writing...
ReplyDeleteexcellent capture of that moment; great lines here:
ReplyDeleteSun pierced wings suddenly flutter
fly off like thoughts
that barely touch the page.
i love to write in nature..and i like the thoughts, barely touching the page...but they touched...and i'm glad...they're beautiful joanne
ReplyDeleteby the way...i wrote my today's bukowski poem while on a walk...
ReplyDeletethoughts that barely touch the page -- LOVE that idea.
ReplyDeleteSuch beautiful writing.
I picture the Spanish bridesmaids as wisps of lovely lace and red roses.
So great to meet you via dVerse!
beautiful. The couplets suit the content so well. Fine write
ReplyDeleteWhimsical in flow, a truly delicate composition. Lovely write ~ Rose
ReplyDeleteJoanne! There is peace and contentment to be found here even if the words never make it to the page. You've painted us a wonderful moment, as she flies away with our thoughts. Refreshing and MUCH appreciated :)
ReplyDelete..i love the notion of Spanish bridesmaids coo like mourning doves..
ReplyDeleteThe elusive muse as she flits away. Lovely thoughts.
ReplyDeleteMany elements in this poem.
ReplyDeleteWow... what a lovely flight your pen took us on.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful read, thank you.
Whimsical and beautiful!
ReplyDelete@Pat: Thank you and thank you for your tripy rhyming poem. :-)
ReplyDelete@Brian: Thank you.
@Claudia: Thank you. There is something about nature that brings the muse alive...or is the muse.
@Jannie Thank you. Nice to meet you, too.
@Luke Thank you for the insight on form.
@Rose Thank you for your lovely words.
@Natasha Thank you and you're welcome. :-)
@Windowlad Thank you...that's exactly what they reminded me of.
@rock Thank you.
@Wolfsrosebud It was fun to write.
@Daydreamertoo Thank you.
@Ayala Thank you.
My favorite lines where those Heaven highlighted. The couplets gave me a moment to pause between each painted scene, peaceful and so real.
ReplyDeleteFor me it's the close observational detail which impresses in this wonderfully evocative poem. A triumph of linguistic economy!
ReplyDeleteThank you Chromapoesy and James.
ReplyDeleteYes, the detail work is exquisite, but its also what you saw there, what you chose to look at, that gives this piece its heart. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteas others have commented before me, the joy of the small things, noticing, hearing, letting them barely touch you, but just enough to share them...
ReplyDelete..."flutter
fly off like thoughts..."
fff-fantastic!
~deb
I love how you alternate the lines -- wind, voice, breezes -- coo, caw, flies, wings. Wonderful poem.
ReplyDeleteReally nice to read. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteA tender piece romanticizing the everyday. Powerful ending.
ReplyDelete